After all, you made it this far, and that my friend was not easy. As for me, the day my young husband died I made a promise to him, that I would live my life as if it has two lives in it. One for me and one for him. Full of wonder, love, adventure and above all the edge… the edge of my comfort zone! Tip toeing every day towards new horizons. In her first book, Second Firsts , our good friend and grief educator, Christina Rasmussen, helped countless readers including Marc and me cope with and rebuild their lives after loss.
She fused both her professional expertise as an educator and her personal experience of becoming a widow at age 35 to selflessly help others re-enter their lives after loss. Like so many of us who have lost loved ones, she continued to wonder what had become of her husband—and whether there is any hope of connecting with our loved ones after they have passed on. Now in her second book, Where Did You Go? Books about the afterlife generally fall into one of two categories: spiritual or science-based. Christina—who grew up in a small Greek town where religion permeated daily life, but who fell in love with neuroscience and psychology while studying in both Europe and the United States—merges the metaphysical with the scientific in Where Did You Go?
If you have lost someone you love, this book is a must-read for ! And yes, like Christina mentioned above, I know the idea of reconnecting with a late loved one sounds impossible, but I ask you to open your mind and trust that death is only a gateway to a higher level of consciousness—be willing to challenge your perspective. What have you learned, and how have you grown, through the experience of losing someone you love? With this, she introduces a new model of grief based on the science of neuroplasticity. Her mission is to change the way we grieve, the way we live, and how we define our potential in this life, and the hereafter.
Letting go of past losses has been the toughest journey of my life. There have been so many in my life that I find it hard to cope sometimes, but I do always find a way. The biggest was the loss of my husband to suicide nine years ago. The guilt and shame I carry from that has been a source of pain for so long.
In the coming new year I know I can make even more progress…maybe I can finally find peace within myself once and for all by looking deeper and following your lead a bit. I will look for your books at the book store when I visit again soon. Thank you so much. Linda, first of all I am deeply sorry for your loss. I also had a disabled husband that took his life in The sadness feel everlasting. It has been painful road to navigate. Finding the appropriate therapist that would put me on a road of recovery was impossible.
They would fall asleep, text in session, tell me that I was PTSD, inappropriate for their complicated grief group, or yell at me, or berate me for losing the one and only emergency contact person. I was left penniless as my husband had spent my k without knowledge. Friends disappeared as my Rabbi explained: suicide was a huge stigma for those who were left behind.
I had no idea what I was in for. You are really strong and I am encouraged by this. Your story has given me hope today because after spending the holidays alone no one has reached out and I cried I feel you have made a difference my life. Thank you so much! The pain keeps me close to him. But I have been coping and finding more strength lately.
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This post gave me comfort and more to think about. Will check out the book recommendations too. This article arrived in my email inbox at exactly the right moment! After recent days with lots of tears.
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Trying to continue making a new beginning work with my 2 young sons after my husband died 4 years ago and burying my brother too this year with no family members left. I am grateful for everything I have. But with the step of making a new beginning, new emotions came along too and I could not stop crying. Reading this article and other articles and stories on this blog site gives me hope of something bigger…something more.
That nothing happens without a lesson and opportunity for growth. And being present is the only thing that really counts. I tell myself that the best is yet to come. I will pick up your books in , without question. Thank you all for sharing.
I too will look for your books. Just reading what others have gone through gives me a little hope. I am going through a tough period after losing my first grandson at 24 years of age. It has been six months and it seems like yesterday. I miss him so much and I watch for signs from him all the time. We have not connected in sleep yet and if we have I do not remember it it in the morning.
My grief consumes me. Tears just fall. He was so connected with us. I want to see him so much …. Elda so sorry the loss of your precious grandson. It just takes time for you to wait for him to contact you and when he does, you will definitely remember it. He is still connected to you and closer to you than you know right now. Maybe try to focus on the infinite link of love between his heart and yours that even death can not take away. Wishing you peace and solace. Dreams of not being able to rescue them were early after their deaths. I miss them so much and remember the times both good and bad that we shared.
Mostly good. What a remarkable post to read first thing on Christmas Eve! This spoke so deeply to a lifetime of losses I still carry unheralded. Thank you. Our brains are like a tape recorder and a camera. Most every day there is a photographic memory that comes to light of an event that happened when our beloved family member left us in our life on earth.
Did we do enough? A wrong path, a different path, still a journey we take and our souls are not the same. My journey of loss has finally reached acceptance and the burden of grief has lifted. Thank you for this, it came at just the right time and I look forward to reading the book. My husband passed away 3 yrs ago at age Our youngest was in college, and we had the best of our life together ahead of us. I could not see beyond the day I found him, or see my future without him.
I tried to join him a couple of months ago and thankfully I was unsuccessful and woke the next day. How could I even think of putting my family through such pain as I was in? To all going through the same I offer a hug and to know your not alonr.
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When my brother died at age 44 I felt such a strong pull to join him. A few months later I was taking things out of the trunk of my car and saw a water bottle with the liquid in it. I opened it and could smell the contents that he had drunk to end his life. I do not believe in coincidence, this post came to me at just the right time as well. My dear son passed 7 years ago. This time of year is always difficult but manageable. This year is a disaster. I have NO Christmas spirit, his loss has now become so final.
Unbearable at times. Many other family issues and haunting memories of childhood etc now populate my thoughts. I need to ready this book. Thank you, I so appreciate your thoughts, guidance and insights. I completely relate.
I lost a brother and she lost a son years ago….. Keep your head up. I do not know where your post worked its way to me but, I am thankful that it did. I have lost my husband, 8 yrs and my daughter 5 yrs. This journey that I have been on is so painful still. I am also writing a book but, it is more about my journey and how I regained my closeness to God. I had been gone from my Catholic faith for 30 yrs.
I did a lot of work and I now feel close to God. Still the pain at the holidays sometimes takes me down. Especially when I am out and about and see mothers with their daughters and husbands with their wives…Might never get better. I have had to just walk out of the store. Envious of them. Wanting to turn the clock back.
God bless you and I am thankful that you and others share the pain and give new light to some of our situations. I have become a source for a lot of other women in loss of parents, husbands and loved ones in general since my journey. Thank you for the article. I have also lost many people I love, though, thank God, not my husband, kids or grand kids. My heart breaks because no mother or grandmother should have to bury a child.
Instead, it feels like I am afraid to live, afraid to love though I do with all my heart , afraid to be left alone. Your article explains why I am stuck in this vicious cycle of fear and pain. I know that I will refer to it often because I felt a sense of peace in your words. To all of you who have lost husbands, children or grand children, I hope with all of my heart that the pain will gradually give way to fond remembrances and deeper bonds with your loved ones.
Fear is my biggest enemy. May God, peace, karma or whatever you believe in bring you more moments of joy than pain. I cannot stress enough the importance of reaching out for help when you experience death. I am struggling with a relationship ending as a result of his family not wanting to see Dad with anyone else. I have been widowed 18 years,he We have been together 10 years. My family loves him and respects him. My heart aches for him when he sees me ignored. No one ever said that Life would be easy. Change can happen. I truly believe that the future is not in my hands.
It is by articles like this that give me encouragement. I miss my dad every day since he passed. He comes to me in dreams, but he never speaks and I wonder why. The same thing happens with my mother. She is there, but says nothing. I will try the recommended reading and maybe I will find an answer. I lost my best friend and I was having a hard time dealingwith it. We were 26 years old—too young for this finality.
After a while with my grief still strong, she came to me in a dream and told me not to grieve anymore. She was fine and in a better place. I never saw her again, but I was able to move past the pain by believing in what she said. More and more as I grow older, I find myself believing that death is not the end and that gives me peace. I am 62 and have learned there are many forms of loss. The loss of health. I eat right , am active and have reasonable genetics. Yet the ever increasing loss of my youthful energy and body is, at times, the stuff of tears.
Yet day by day, I find a way to appreciate my body. It no longer has to meet a societal standard. My weight, my scars, the wrinkles and greying hair are the road maps of who I am. The loss through disconnecting is deep, but we can learn to think of that important loved one with affection and through memories. They are still in the world, just not yours. This is a truth for 3 of my siblings and a few friends. I had to learn to let them go. I miss them, I miss the times we shared. The loss of dreams have been the deepest.
We live with expectations. Few of us will reach a point that we exist without them. While I have modified my current ones and am actively watching out for potential ones , those dreams in my past remain bittersweet. I was to be the first in many years for my family to be married to my first husband forever. Time spent reveling in my daughters, their intelligence, quick wit, their beauty and compassion infused my heart with the expectations of their future successes. With the great lives ahead. The certainty in my heart that my Mother and I would grow old best friends.
But my first husband fell very short of who I had believed him to be, so after 14 months he abandoned us. Our 1 year old and the child I was carrying.
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The other allowed the sense of compassion I had taken such pride in to choose every person with drug and moral issues. It was dreadful when she became an addict. My amazing Mother spent her last 4. I cared for her until her last few months, when siblings insisted on time to make their own adjustment and good bus.
She forgot who I was and lived in a lost maze.
When she died 6 days prior to her scheduled return to our home I crumpled. My husband, after 27 years of marriage had an affair. I had allowed myself to become over medicated for depression and bipolar. After learning of the affair I attempted suicide 3 times. My sense of self worth bottomed out.
However these things did not finish me. I grew into an excellent mother. Protecting, caring for and educating my Girls. It took a long time to come to grips to the knowledge I had done enough, my best that the lives they chose were just that, their choice. They have given us 5 incredible grandkids, 3 of whom we are raising. And I have hope without the feelings of certainty, that they will choose differently. I finally understood that having Mom live with us for the nearly 9 years of the end of her life made me stronger.
I was able to accept what her disease was doing. As it had slowly progressed I made small adjustments. At the very end I was grateful that she no longer lived in pain and fear. The affair that nearly killed me turned out to be an incredible blessing. Instead of going home at the end of the date, surprise him by driving to a nice, local hotel. Order room service, spend time in the hot tub if available , go get a late night snack together, and of course, make love.
He will LOVE it, and you will too! My husband, Dave, and I have met with numerous couples with marriages in crisis. Whenever the subject of sex comes up, the husbands are quick to say that they wish their wives initiated sex more. Girls, I get it. We want to initiate, but they often beat us to it.
Then, how do we initiate? We do it when he least expects it.
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The goal is to catch him off guard and excited to engage. Before you even get to the meal, initiate a quickie with him. Put forth the effort. It definitely takes both of you, but someone has to make the first move. Don't give up on your marriage. It is worth the effort and investment. If you feel like your marriage is struggling, or even failing, there is hope. There is healing. Fight For Your Marriage Today! This article was originally published here and is used with permission. Ashley and her husband Dave lead the Marriage page at www.
I would love to connect with you! By Ashley WIllis. You Might Also Like.