When I saw this post it broke my heart. I know all too well what kind of pain and insecurity this sort of thing can bring to a marriage but I have really good news for you. He picked you. Hun, the sooner you forgive and move on from this the better off your marriage will be and the less likely it will be that your marriage will fall apart. I have done this same exact thing to my husband for years. I felt like he was going to leave me the moment the kids were grown up so all that insecurity made me bitter and afraid which also made me put up an emotional wall that I kept around my heart.
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I let him in some places but there were def. I know it's been a few years since you posted this and I truly hope things are better but if they are not I would like to recommend a book to you called "The submissive Wife" written by Martha something. She talks about this very thing in this book and it will walk you through all of it. EVERY married woman should read this book once a year! On Amazon there are a number of titles with the words "submissive wife" but I can't figure which you mentioned I read this page and gained some personal insight from it.
My mother has been obsessed with my younger sister for more than 40 years and the damage she has inflicted on my sister and our family is considerable. My mother kept my sister from attending school regularly, from making friends and from being able to do almost anything on her own. My sister has been diagnosed with panic attacks and is crippled by anxiety despite medication, she is unable to work and she also hoards.
Meanwhile my mother is convinced that she has been helping my sister to cope with her problems although her involvement is actually the source of the problem.
Obsessive Love Disorder
I've struggled to understand why someone would become obsessed with a person and what they get out of it and your article describes perfectly that it keeps the obsessed person from focusing on the problems of their own lives. It gives them purpose, meaning and a sense of duty and accomplishment, however clouded the real truth of the situation remains. I am seeing a therapist for anger and depression and taking anti-depressants. I feel my mother's crazy behavior has destroyed any chance for normal family functioning and kept my sister from taking responsibility for her own problems.
I'm stuggling to recognize that, at this point, my family will always be broken and will never get better and feel that I'm in mourning for the death of hope for any kind of improvement. Once I get used to the idea, I suppose, I'll be able to move past it and feel better. I have had a major crush on my Chiropractor for over a year now.
It started with dreams and then I couldn't get him out of my mind. I'm married and have 6 kids. My husband is the best but I do feel very disconnected with him. This obsession with my chiro started when my relationship with my husband was in a very lonely place.
I took a break from going to see the chiro for about 3 months and my marriage felt restored and I didn't think of the chiro as much but still did once in a while. But the moment I saw him again it triggered those emotions. I found this article to be so very helpful. It seems obvious, stop the bleeding find a new chiropractor , stop facebook stalking ha ha yeah so embarrassing , start involving myself in things that I enjoy that is beneficial to my family for restoration since I believe this has taken my heart away from my love for my husband.
Thank you so much for this article. I started to struggle with obsession when I was in an abusive relationship during my teens and it's followed me since then. There was a four-year interval in which I was fine, then it came back. It's always obsession with a person and I don't gain joy from it - it's extremely uncomfortable - and it's impossible to think about anything else, though I keep trying to move my thoughts to other things. It's like I lose interest in everything else. Obsession has been a big part of my life for six years now.
It came back when one of my exes split with me and I think I was obsessed with him - or rather the idea of him - for most of that six years. I met someone recently and the obsession just jumped on to him. I became so distressed so quickly - and it was a horrible feeling - I ended up shouting at him after 10 days! The pain of separation from him despite not knowing him has now followed me for two months. I still think about him - or again, the idea of him - constantly and I can feel deep pain in the pit of my stomach.
This obsession in particular - with someone I don't even know although I slept with him a few times over the course of a month - has me feeling like a complete weirdo. It's frightening. I'm trying to calm down the feelings of self-hate that come from it i. I can't think of anything more mortifying than this I think my life does feel empty. It felt empty when I was with someone who controlled it because I lost contact with the outside world for a couple of years , then it got better when I got out of that relationship.
Then it felt empty again when I lost my boyfriend but not only that, I also lost my house, my job, and my postgraduate course at the same time because I was really unwell at the time , and it feels empty now because I have failed to live as 'who I am' - always doing for other people instead of doing for me. The problem I have now is rebuilding my life. The recent instance of the obsession jumping to someone I only met briefly has proven that I was never 'still in love' with my ex as I believed until recently and that what I am feeling is emptiness and a yearning for fulfilment.
It's just that the emptiness manifests itself as the idea of 'someone' who can fulfil me.
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I'd really much rather fulfil myself by living the kind of life I want so that's what I plan to do. Mostly, I need more emotional connection with others and I need to fill my life with things I actually want to do When I read your post most of what you said reminded me of myself. I also struggle with obsessing over people. I get what you mean by being obsessed with the idea of someone rather than them.
I always fantasized my relationships in my mind to be better than they were, I would fantasize about our future or things I wanted from them that never came to be and when those relationships crumbled I was left with fantasies of what could and should have been and then that's all I can think about and my obsession can jump from person to person.
As in I will trade out one obsession for another but I can bounce around from person to person. My obsessions are generally for men I've been in relationships with but it can also be men I've had crushes on or even people I've been friends with after that friendship ends. I've also had an issue with obsessing over a current relationships ex lovers or an exes new gf or wife. This has been a sick cycle for me as far back as I can remember and it has ruined my life. My husband's family was still deeply and unnecessarily in my opinion still involved with his first wife who had been unfaithful to him.
I think the backgrounds of his parents caused the desire for them to attempt to avert any local scandal caused by her ongoing adultery. I, unfortunately became obsessed with her, trying to bring her back to the family to please my mother-in-law my own parents had rejected me. Fast forward and that marriage ended in divorce after a baby's death and still more attention directed at the ex wife.
I am currently obsessed with an ex-girlfriend of my second husband who is very visible online. I despise her because I feel she gets where she does becuse she is pretty; she appears to be a compulsive liar a non-existant university degree and a fairytale about how she met her climber husband and I suppose I despise the shallowness of my husband of having been involved with her when to begin with she knew that her girlfriend fancied him and he fancied her girlfriend but she wanted him for herself. Or are men stupidly vain and deserve what they get? I've had something similar happen and it was so very painful.
Guys say the same thing.. That family did you wrong by hanging on to that, I really think that. Especially when she had treated your husband so horribly. Something is wrong there, and you tried to help, with good intentions, but your good intentions toward a bad situation ended up being very toxic to YOU.
That family should have been caring about how it all made YOU feel. They abandoned you because of their own selfish pride. I'm angry on your behalf I feel you, is what I"m saying It's not like I planned this. I actually really didn't want anything to do with her at the beginning of our friendship.
But as time went on, we're both in high school, and I began to see details of her and just qualities that made me feel comfort or joy. I believed that this was true friendship. It wasn't until the fourth year of our friendship that it took a sharp turn. I developed an eating problem, due to a painful act of catching my mom cheat on my dad, I copped.
Maybe it wasn't the most common way to cope, but I did.
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And of course I told my friends, who at the time were making fun of my weight constantly. Indirectly or directly, I always caught what they said about me and I never let it go. The news came out that my mom cheated with a faculty member. And my friends, especially her, made an effort to make me feel better. So much that i was confused at the gestures of kindness from them. After that was over.
I got better. Went to therapy, then stopped. Now it's one year later. And her dad dies. Her mom left her dad for another man and her siblings left her on her own. And she moves a state away. What do I do? I give her my sympathy. I give her time, I give her a shoulder to lean on, I give her a person to be angry at when everyone is angry at her, I give her my deepest feelings and emotions, all that I have.
She returns it all and more. She says I am her only best friend. And that I am her longest friend. Only for a little while. She ignores me. She finds ways to use me and to wiggle her way out of everything that has happened with me and her. I can't begin to explain how lonely I felt. How scared I am to just think about her and how much pain I feel for caring about her and loving her the way I do.
She must never know. That I have feelings for her. She just isn't t that type to say it's ok that you do. She will run away from me and abandon our friendship. Which might be the only friendship that I ever wants fro stay alive. I think about her when I work, when I see something, when I look at someone, and I hold my phone in case she texts but she doesnt.
I get upset, passively when she deicides to ignore me. I cry when she says she found a friend. I try so hard to forget about her. I do for a short while and then she just comes up again. From reading this i think that I am beginning to have an obession with my best friend.
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I think that the best way to get over an obsession is to drown in it inside your mind. I know this may sound utterly useless to people dealing with bigger issues, but for small things, like celebrities, books, TV shows, or that guy at school, just let it take over your life. Don't fight it. This usually results in either you getting bored of talking about it to people. Mark the obsession as a period of your life. Hope this helps! And also, high-five to any of the MCRmy out there :.
I am almost totally obsessed with a deceased stage actor who was old enough to be my father. He was very famous in a tv role but I didn't care then. I framed his handsome picture and watch him on youtube constantly. I want to know would he like me? He never married. I can't decide if I like him as lover or father [I had a happy stable childhood]. Am I crazy? No, you're not crazy. I have an obsession with an actress on a tv show from the 90's. She's 4 years younger than me in real life and I've thought some of the same things you think about your actor, even though last anyone heard she's married.
Like you I watch her stuff on youtube and amazon prime. Going back over 3 months ago i needed help to get back into work. I saw a personal consultant who helped and supported me back into work all seemed good and we found the ideal job for me and i successfully got the job. This person was ultimately my saviour i did become fond of her as i kept in touch after i got the job i went to see her one day with a card and chocolates to say thank you she gave me the biggest hug. I went to see her again for a chat and catch up we are now friends on facebook as she now has a new job.
I will get to the point now ive found myself become more and more attached to her the more ive contacted her but i have taken a step back because ive realized i do have an obsession or a attachment issue i can't stop thinking about her and regularly cant help but look on her facebook profile is this an obsession or just an attachment thats gone out of control?? Feed back on this would be much appreciated. I found this while trying to figure out how to make someone leave me alone.
I never had a relationship with this person other than a superficial acquaintance but they somehow became obsessive and demand my undivided attention every day. This is not the first time it has happened and I am wondering if my usual distant behavior turns an occasional polite response into an intermittent reward. This occured to me because when I put off annoying emails from older men for a few days or weeks and then send a short polite response, they always reply immediately with exuberance.
Sometimes they bombard me with a socially unacceptable number of messages full of demands and expressions of affection and then express revolting concern for my well being if I do not respond immediatley. I don't know why these people would fixate on me when there are lots of other friendlier and more appropriate women about. So I am debating if I should be uniformly unfriendly or friendly to avoid another repeat of this scenario. Neither seems practical because I can't be rude to people before their behavior turns offensive and being too friendly just isn't in my nature.
My usual cold politeness and preoccupation with my work doesn't seem to be a deterrant at all.
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I guess I need to harden myself off and completely ignore people as soon as their behavior offend me and stop looking like a doormat for the sake for being polite. I always attract unwanted attention from the same type of unusually obsessive and clingy older man.
They're not like guys who try to pick me up at bars but are usually friends of people I know who somehow mistake me for a best friend or soulmate type thing. I didn't know there were so many like that out there. Is this a common situation? I think many of E's comments are spot on, the relationship I am speaking of was less than a year but I was so captivated with her that when we were together I felt an overwhelming passion being with her.
As I remember I think she was a Virgin when I met her, I was kind and gentle and let it happen when it felt right for both of us. I think what triggered the chain of events for me was that it caught me off guard and and when 1 persons feelings change and the other is still the same and communications break down because I was not thinking straight, angry and making matters worse by my stupidity, then Kim was more than likely afraid of me and shut me out of any communications whatsoever. So to make a long story short, I never felt any closure, ruined what might have been at least a friend at some point and forever made myself to be an ass in the end.
I just somehow wanted to know that I know that I hurt her and that was wrong, and that for me talking about it later in life brings a closure to try to make things right, and I would never trade the time we had together for anything, I still think about it and cherish it, and let her know that I have done alot of interesting things with my life also, so things turned out the way they were supposed too.
It is very clear why Kim was alarmed by what you believe to be intimacy. It is completely innappropriate to identify someone by their full name and say that you slept with her when she was a "Virgin" with a capital V. You should ask a therapist about why you feel the need to make such intrusive personal comments. Women and men will all eventually avoid you if you keep behaving like this.
I write as I think and there is no buffer, I am impulsive and it just comes out as I think it, my anxiety triggers the ugly side of mental illness, I speak before I think, in this case what I can tell you is that I honestly just felt like I was telling the story without any thought about outcome except to remember it the best I could, then figure out what and why it happened the way it did, I really did not think I was hurting anyone till I received your comments, John.
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You may also need to try different types until you find the one that works best for you. Talk to your doctor about possible side effects, such as:. Therapy is also helpful for all forms of OLD. Depending on the severity of the disorder and your personal preferences, you might engage in individual or group therapy.
Obsession | Definition of Obsession by Merriam-Webster
Sometimes a mental health professional will recommend both types. If you or a loved one has possible symptoms of obsessive love disorder, you should see a doctor. They may refer you to a psychiatrist to help determine whether you truly have OLD. You may also have another mental health illness. When diagnosed and treated, OLD may have a positive outcome. Suddenly stopping your treatment can worsen symptoms, or make them return. Breakups are never easy. Sadness and a heightened emotional state are normal reactions after a breakup, but it's important to recognize the signs of….
People with dependent personality disorder DPD may require constant reassurance. We tell you the facts and how to support someone living with DPD. Find information on personality disorder types, symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment. Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder OCPD is a personality disorder that's characterized by extreme perfectionism, order, and neatness. Mental health refers to your emotional and psychological well-being.
Having good mental health helps you lead a happy and healthy life. Learn more…. Don't face mental health challenges alone. Instead, learn how to get the support you need to thrive. Collagen is an essential building block for the entire body, from skin to gut, and more. Here's five changes you may see or feel just by taking more…. You can do a lot of prep work to make the perfect sleep environment. But if that doesn't work, here are 6 other hacks to try. Identifying your triggers can take some time and self-reflection.
In the meantime, there are things you can try to help calm or quiet your anxiety…. If your take on meditation is that it's boring or too "new age," then read this. One man shares how - and why - he learned to meditate even though he…. Obsessive Love Disorder. Medically reviewed by Timothy J. What are the symptoms of obsessive love disorder?
What causes a person to develop obsessive love disorder? Personality Disorder. Read this next. Dealing with Depression After a Breakup. Personality Disorder Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Mental Health Resources. How to Fall Asleep in 10, 60, or Seconds You can do a lot of prep work to make the perfect sleep environment.