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You went from a traditional legal career into mediation. What attracted you to the field and why do you devote so much of your time to it? There are so many problems with the law. For example, the law is quite formal, but the best problem-solving is done informally; it is highly logical, but every conflict has an emotional component that needs to be addressed; it is incredibly expensive and time consuming, but that puts it beyond the reach of many people who need help; its purpose is to decide which of two sets of facts are true, but it produces unfair results when both sets of facts are true.
Justice and fairness happen far more often in mediation than they do in court, and nearly everyone appreciates being listened to and retaining control over outcomes, rather than denouncing each other and hoping a judge will see their position. What is the Center for Dispute Resolution and what do you do within it?
I became a mediator in , founded the Center for Dispute Resolution in , and have mediated thousands of disputes of all kinds over the last 36 years.
Instead of administrating I wanted to mediate, so as it grew the center has developed into a small group of people who share cases and ideas. Instead of always looking to war to solve global problems, we need to build the capacity of people in local communities to resolve their differences through dialogue, collaborative negotiation and mediation.
We are a small group of volunteers who work in various countries without pay — for example, I went to Athens several times to train Greek mediators to conduct dialogues between immigrants and Greek citizens. Yes, it was audacious, which meant I had to approach it with an equal amount of humility. Every effort to resolve a conflict is audacious, because the people who are in it are stuck and have probably been stuck for a long time. Over time, I discovered the power and reach of this process. If I have learned some skills that might be useful and could possibly help resolve a conflict, who am I not to try?
What is that and what role do you play? The Rwanda project is trying to build the capacity of people in communities to resolve conflicts, especially those between Hutus and Tutsis.
American Institute of Mediation : AIM Institute : Faculty : Kenneth Cloke
I am now an advisor to the project. Both your organizations use conflict resolution tools to address large-scale conflicts — are they more difficult to resolve than family conflicts? Others have taken place inside or between Fortune companies, governments, political organizations, universities, school districts, labor and management, etc. What might your approach to a typical family dispute look like?
In one family, two brothers had not spoken for 15 years, and their two sisters convinced them to try mediation. Gradually, in this way, we were able to reveal what had happened, an act for which his brother apologized, and the sisters agreed to organize their first family holiday in 15 years.
And you believe disputes between countries are similar to that?
Why is conflict such a normal part of our lives? We experience conflicts because everyone is different, every person is different from one moment to the next, and our needs and interests often clash.
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At the same time, we are also similar to each other and some part of us is the same from birth to death. So these basic facts create the possibility of both conflict and resolution. Mostly, conflicts represent the presence of two truths: perhaps two inner truths we are torn between, or two social truths that represent different goals or possible futures.
How do you lead people to change that thinking?
World-leading mediator visits New Zealand
This is not compromise, which is a cheap option, but something entirely new. For example, there are two ways to combine things. First, you can add cold water and hot water and get lukewarm water. That is compromise. Second, you can add water and flour and heat and make bread. That is what we are trying to do, make bread. You also suggest that individual transformation is not enough, we must also work on community and cultural transformation. And if we only change ourselves, we will find it difficult to continue being friendly or kind or skillful when others treat us badly.
As a result, we need to do both. Sometimes one or the other is more important, but deep change requires both. Can you give three steps that might help someone reading, who is experiencing a conflict, to reach a resolution? There are probably thousands of steps each of us can take to improve our ability to resolve disputes, but if I were to narrow it down to three, it would be these: 1.